


by the lake of the lady (he finds them)

by eldee



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, Whizzbangpop 2010, canon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-10
Updated: 2010-09-10
Packaged: 2017-10-12 08:17:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eldee/pseuds/eldee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2.09 AU – Merlin helps the captured witch Freya escape Camelot and he goes with her. Two years later, Merlin and Arthur meet for the first time since Merlin left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	by the lake of the lady (he finds them)

**Author's Note:**

> In this AU, Freya has magic though she is not cursed and she didn't have any association with the Druids. (While I wanted to explore certain aspects and relationship dynamics, I didn't want to deal with the cracked out panther with wings, because if there was anything I could change about that episode, it's that. So I did.) Thanks to lonelywalker for the beta, and fuzzytomato02 for some early suggestions as I worked things through. Written for the Merlin whizzbangpop Mini Bang 2010 challenge.

_**… The day after tomorrow …** _

 

The sky and the lake could not have been more different.

It was a clear, beautiful day. The sun was high and blazed as bright as a fire. The sky was azure blue, like the soft silk of a courtier's gown, with not a cloud in sight.

But the lake. It was not calm like the sky. There were winds assaulting the water, beating and battering it about. Waves crashed against the shores. In an unnatural display, tunnels of water, like tornadoes gone sideways, spouted out of the lake and cast rain down upon the little burning house.

At the top of the hill advanced a warlock. His eyes were a deep shade of gold as they controlled the weather, desperate to put out the fire.

Aside from being on fire, the little house would have been as perfect as a canvas painting. It was nestled in a valley beside the lake and between rolling foothills of the mountains yonder. It was built with care, with the roof thatched securely and the solid door hinged on the front. Flowers that were out of season grew all around it, and the vegetable patch flourished.

It was a mess now, a catastrophe of its simple beauty. Flames licked the roof; the flowers wilted under the heat; the vegetable patch had been trampled on.

Right in the path that led to the door was a knight's head staked on a pike. The red Pendragon cape was tied securely around the wood, right where the neck should have been. The cape whipped with the wind, and embers from the fire fell upon it but none seemed to take hold.

The warlock rushed down the hill, nearly tripping and fumbling a number of times. A bird chirped incessantly in the trees. He would not be deterred from his mission of making it back to his home.

He cried out, panicked and desperate. "Freya! No!"

Following the warlock was the prince – who had not known the man was in fact a warlock until just that very morning. He was not angry (not at this moment, anyhow, earlier had been another matter) as he deftly followed the other man down the hill.

Prince Arthur called out, "Merlin! Wait!"

Merlin took no heed, as if the words were lost in the wind before reaching his ears. He was focused solely on the little house and putting out the fire -- the latter of which he had accomplished, though whether in time, he did not know.

He passed the decapitated head on the pike without giving it more than a glance. Behind him, Arthur muttered, "By gods."

Merlin reached out and grabbed the metal door knob, and he snatched his hand back with a wince of pain and a hiss at the heat.

Arthur grabbed Merlin's shoulder and pulled him back. "Don't be a idiot, Merlin," he said, gruffly. As if there wasn't the possibility of Freya being inside the now smoking, charred building.

Merlin tried pushing past but Arthur held him back. "Hold on, will you?" Arthur --whose hand was clad in a thick leather riding glove -- opened the door for them.

There was some smoke that billowed out though most had already escaped through the partially collapsed roof and windows. Merlin and Arthur covered their mouths and noses with their sleeves and peered inside.

Merlin did not pause for more than a second. Brushing past Arthur, Merlin entered the home he shared with Freya.

Arthur tried to protest. "Would you -- Look, the roof! --"

Arthur grabbed Merlin's shoulder, pulling him back, just as a piece of thatched roof came crashing down. Arthur snapped, "Stop being so rash!"

Merlin didn't answer him as he stepped around the crumbled wood. At the sight of Merlin's panic-stricken face, Arthur didn't yell anymore, and he helped shift some of the water-soaked rubble around.

"She's not here, Merlin," Arthur finally said.

"I have to find her," Merlin answered, moving the burned table from its spot for the fifth time.

"Merlin, she's not _here_ ," Arthur stressed. "That's not necessarily a bad thing."

Merlin looked up sharply. "She's alive," he said. Stumbling over fallen planks on the floor, he made his way to the door. He repeated, "She's alive."

Arthur followed. "We don't know that--" With a sharp glance from Merlin, Arthur amended, "She may be, yes."

"So let's find her," Merlin sad determinedly. Leaving the front door, he paused and finally took in the sight of the knight's head.

"Who would do such a thing?"

"I don't know--"

"Yes, you do. We _know_ exactly who did this!" Merlin spat angrily. "And we let him get away just this morning. _I_ did."

"No, Merlin."

"Yes! How could I have been so stupid?" Merlin said. He kicked a weed, his leg extending far with his anger. "He knew where we lived!"

"Merlin," Arthur interrupted, trying to get the other man's attention. Merlin continued raving like a lunatic until Arthur suddenly grabbed his shoulders and shook him to attention. "Merlin! Look!"

Merlin shrugged out of his grasp. "What?"

Arthur pointed to a path that led from the house. " _Look_."

There were some drops of blood covering green grass leading away from them, and Arthur and Merlin followed it into the woods.

 

 _**… Two years ago …** _

Freya had no idea what she had done to please the gods so that they would have a kind man like Merlin enter her life.

She had always felt cursed with her power, and with being able to do things that she shouldn't, that were forbidden and against the law. She had learned at a young age to keep what she did secret as to not get into trouble. She'd heard the terrible stories about what happened to … _those_ kinds of people. Freya tried not to let anyone know that she was possibly one of them.

But when that man made advances on her, wanted to use her in a way that was not proper, it was like an instinct had kicked in. She hadn't meant to use her mind to throw him across the room, to have him hit that wall the way he had. She gaped in horror as his body crumbled to the ground.

The other men had walked into the room after the display of power, but they thought she'd attacked him by normal means. She was taken captive, surely to be punished. It was when the man woke up and told them what she really did that she truly feared for her life.

 _Witch_ , they threw at her. _Dirty evil witch._

A bounty hunter had been passing through town, not looking specifically for her, but his eyes gleamed greedily when he came to see her. He paid a wage to take her off their hands; she later heard him saying that bounty received from King Uther would be ten fold, at least.

She was put in the cage and carted across the countryside for days, forced to take some drink that made her feel groggy. She got dirty and was hungry and uncomfortable; but mostly, she was scared. Very scared. She couldn't reach out with her magic to try and free herself and it looked like there was no escape. She heard what happened to magic folk when entering the city of Camelot; it was no secret that King Uther executed her kind. She tried to accept that her death was coming but it was very hard indeed.

And that was when she met Merlin. Halig, her captor, arrived in Camelot but stopped for a drink and a meal at the tavern. She was left in the cage long enough for a young man to spy her, and soon return to help her escape, not hiding his own powers from her as he did.

Merlin was incredibly kind to her -- he found her shelter, food, and clothing. All at great risk, she knew. It really could have been him in that cage; or he could've ended up in one for helping her.

Freya didn't know what to think of Merlin at first, what sort of payment he might ask in return. But he was nothing but courteous and cautious, trying to put her at ease. And when she saw his face when he performed a bit of magic in front of her -- floating flames and a small red flower -- she finally believed his intentions towards her weren't of ill will. He was only pleased to have someone like himself around, someone he could safely show his powers.

It was never something she thought she'd wanted, but she could not help but be captivated by the way it made her feel. Merlin didn't find anything wrong with being like this; he didn't see them as evil or dirty.

She should have resisted more when he declared he was going to run away with her. It was true, she didn't know much about his life yet in the couple of days they had spent together, but she didn't think she should be the one who snatched him away from it.

But there was no stopping him. He was determined that the two of them could sneak away from Camelot, find somewhere they could settle and have a better life at being _themselves_. "Cautiously," he added. "I promise. But you can't stay here with the bounty hunter searching for you, and I don't want you to leave alone."

It was how she found herself in the permanent company of one of the kindest men she'd ever met. Merlin's focus on her safety and happiness was a little disconcerting, as no one had ever worried for it before. But his charming smile and protective glances were rather disarming, and she found that in the months that followed, she had grown to love him.

 

 _**… This morning …** _

Summer had started to pass and the autumn was settling in around them, but the days were still beautiful. As Freya stood by the warm fire, stirring the pot of soup, Merlin burst into the house with a boisterous smile on his face.

"Gorgeous morn!" he declared. He set the wood he was carrying down beside the fireplace. A hand settled on the small of Freya's back and he leaned down to place a quick peck on her cheek. "That smells delicious!"

Glancing up from under her eyelashes, she said, "It's what I make nearly every day."

"And it's just as brilliant as the time before!" he answered happily. He stepped away to fetch two bowls to serve.

She just barely resisted rolling her eyes at him but she did blush a little.

Even after two years together, Merlin's open affection could catch her off guard. She didn't know what she did to deserve it and with each kind word he had to offer she found her cheeks warm with happiness.

The days were still a bit warm and the fire wasn't blazing as hot as it could be, to save heating the little house too much this early in the day. It would only be lukewarm at best were they to eat immediately --which, from his spot at the table, Freya surmised Merlin was ready. Not that Merlin would be amiss about it, but she didn't wish to serve him poorly.

Freya leaned over and whispered an incantation over the cooking pot. The water began to boil, little pieces of carrot and turnip dancing about as if driftwood upon the waves of an open sea.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Merlin grinning broadly – he often did when she chose to do magic. Long days in a cage had put a stifling fear of it into her. Merlin was much more free and willing with it -- it was so naturally strong within him that she didn't think he would ever be able to stop. But she tried to accept it as he had and it pleased him when she did.

It was why he picked their home where they did; aside from it being beside a lake, it was a day's walk from the nearest village. While they did venture in when needed – Freya sticking closely to Merlin's side -- they didn't have to worry about prying eyes or mistakes being seen. Theirs was a peaceful life.

Merlin filled their bowls with warm soup while at the same time fetching the pitcher of water by using his magic. As it set down lightly on the table, Freya picked it up. The pottery cup was at the opposite side; with a wiggle of her fingers it came to her, settling in the grip of her hand.

"Thanks," Merlin said pleasantly as she set it down in front of his placing. He put down their bowls and she smiled at him.

"Thank _you_ ," she replied.

They were only a couple bites into their meal when Merlin began chattering away.

"I'm going into the village next week," he started.

Freya pointed out, "We were just there a fortnight ago."

"Yes, but I've grown a new batch of vegetables since. They should be ready by then." It was his new favourite bit of magic -- urging the tubular vegetables in the ground to grow faster -- though it seemed to take a lot of energy from him and he tended to nap the afternoon away after he spent a morning doing so.

"Do you think that's safe?" Freya asked cautiously. "They might grow suspicious if you show up with even more food."

Merlin laughed, though not unkindly. "Nonsense. None of them have ever made it out here -- how would they know we've only got a little patch rather than a great big field? It's a masterful plan." Their land belonged to a lord, of course, but they were so far away that they never had visitors. As long as they paid their taxes when they were due, they were left in relative peace.

"If you say so," Freya said doubtfully. She knew they'd speak of it again later.

Over their meal they spoke about preparations they would need for the winter months. They were just cleaning up when a bird's incessant chirping caught their attention.

Freya said, "Someone's here."

Merlin smiled encouragingly. "It's fine. We had that traveler pass through day before last and there wasn't any trouble, was there?"

Freya agreed reluctantly. "I suppose not."

She didn't like unannounced and unexpected visitors to their valley. Merlin knew this and, though it took him quite some time to master the spell, he'd set up a bit of a warning system for her: a look out without requiring any manpower. A handful of whittled birds hidden in trees chirped whenever anyone entered their valley. They couldn't tell friend from foe, though; the most work they did was alerting Freya when Merlin returned from his wondering in the nearby woods.

Both Freya and Merlin peered out the window. There were two men on horses making their way down the hill and towards their home. Sun glinted off their armour, and bright red capes fluttered behind them in the wind.

Merlin whispered, "Camelot."

"What?"

He looked at her with a great big grin across his face. "Camelot's knights. That's Arthur!"

Freya instantly became afraid. "Do you think they're here for us?" The _for me_ went unspoken.

Merlin shook his head. "If Arthur wanted to find either of us, he would've a lot sooner." He didn't seem realize that wasn't comforting for her. Merlin continued, "We don't need to worry. I'll go greet them!"

"I don't think--" But her words went unheard as Merlin burst through the door and hurried down the path.

Freya watched as Merlin approached the travelers – a knight and the crown prince of Camelot. The prince dismounted and she caught Merlin's name on the wind; he looked surprised but not angry.

Merlin bowed slightly, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Prince Arthur stood tall and composed, but not nearly as intimidating or formal as Freya would've expected. They spoke for a few moments, and then Merlin hooked a thumb over his shoulder, pointing up to the house.

Freya heard a snippet of conversation as they approached.

"I was going to send a search, but Gaius said something about you mooning over some girl and that you'd probably run away with her." Prince Arthur laughed. "What woman in her right mind would run away with you?"

Freya caught their attention as she stepped out of the house. She was cautious, afraid of being recognized by the prince though they'd never faced each other before.

 

Merlin looked at Prince Arthur smugly. "I do believe you owe her an apology. She's quite right in the head." But Merlin smiled at Freya, coming to her with his hand extended to her. She clasped it tightly with her two small hands, standing close to Merlin. He said softly to her, "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

Louder, he said, "Arthur, there's someone I'd like _you_ to meet." Merlin said, with a wide smile. Merlin's arm slipped around Freya's shoulder and she leaned closer into his side.

Merlin announced, "Arthur, meet my wife, Freya."

Never in her life had Freya expected a prince to look so shocked.

 

 _**… A dozen and a half moons ago …** _

Merlin suggested, "We could tell them you're with child?"

"Merlin!" Freya exclaimed. "That would be a lie."

"Right now," Merlin said, eyes twinkling. Freya blushed at his gull. He continued, "We've been nomadic for six months, Freya. We're magical fugitives." He ignored her shushing and continued. "I don't see how there is any other way."

They wished to marry. They both knew that they were together and had no intention of being with any other. It would be difficult for them to get the proper permissions to do so; they had only arrived in this small town, finally feeling they were safe. But they had no ties and they did not know any of the lords of the land nor the priests. They were peasants and they weren't betrothed but a love match was common enough. They just needed someone to allow them to wed and perform the ceremony.

"Do you think --" Freya trailed off.

"What?"

She shrugged a bit self consciously, suddenly feeling a bit foolish. "The old religion. Do you think they had a special ceremony for, uh--"

"Witches and warlocks?"

"Would you hush?" Freya said. They were staying in a room at the inn, but she knew all too well that walls could have ears.

"Won't it be grand? When those words are allowed again?" Merlin asked.

Freya sighed. As much as she cared for him, sometimes Merlin got quite fanciful notions in his head about what should, and someday would (according to him), be allowed for those with magical inclinations. Instead, she continued, "I wonder if there was, though."

Merlin was quiet for a moment, and then shrugged. "I don't know," he said wistfully. "I wish that I did."

"Yes," Freya said, immediately wishing she hadn't brought it up. Merlin had told her some stories, about the different people he'd been able to talk to about magic, as few and far between as they were. Just the old man Gaius, and another wizard or two who never seemed to have honourable intentions. It pained her sometimes to know that she was the reason he was cut off from his education; she wondered if he ever felt resentful for it.

After their fall into silence, Merlin said, "We _will_ be married."

Freya shook her head sadly. "We don't know that."

Merlin said firmly, "I'll work it out."

Freya had no doubt that if it was something Merlin really wanted he would find a way.

And a fortnight later, he had found his way. He never explained it fully to her, saying he used his charms to have it arranged. It was a private ceremony; they could not afford rings and so exchanged their halves of a broken coin. In proper tradition, even though Freya was not a local girl, Merlin went to the village's tavern and bought all the men a round of drinks. He laughed with them and jested and not a one spoke out of turn regarding their nuptials.

Just when she thought she couldn't be more amazed by the man, Merlin found them a homestead. Again, with his charms (though she highly suspected the use of magic, though no one seemed suspicious about it.) They rode their horses the day's ride and came across a broken little hut in the middle of a valley.

Freya said warily, "It doesn't look like much."

"Not yet," Merlin said enthusiastically. "But just wait. With the two of us, we'll be able to fix it up straight away."

"Why doesn't anyone already live here?"

"It's … harsh, out here, in the winter months," Merlin admitted. "I heard it's just too difficult, being so far from the village and manor. Then again, with --"

"--Our magic," Freya interrupted with a smile. "You think we'll be fine."

"We'll be more than fine!" Merlin insisted. He lightly grabbed her shoulders affectionately. "We'll be brilliant. Look at it, Freya." He gestured around, and one finger pointed at the lake. "This is exactly the place you belong. We belong. We deserve this."

"I don't believe things should come so easily," Freya mentioned cautiously. "You don't think this is--"

"What, Freya? Wrong? Illegal?" Merlin laughed. "I promise, we will not get in trouble for this."

Her eyes swept the little valley, over the rolling hills, and landed on the lake. She gave a half smile. "It is really beautiful. But, are you sure--"

Merlin cupped her face in his hands, planting a sweet kiss on her lips. "Freya," he said, resting his forehead against hers. "I promised you I'd look after you. And I am. Trust me?"

Freya's cautious face melted into a smile at that. "Always," she said. "My knight in shining armour."

He pulled away, laughing. He tilted his head and wagged a playful finger. "I've known knights. Believe me, I'm no knight."

She smiled and slipped her hand into the crook of his arm as they walked closer to the little house. She said, with as much conviction as she's ever used, "You are to me."

Merlin beamed down at her.

 

 _**… Tonight …** _

Dusk settled over the land; a fading trail of sunlight retreated across the surface of the lake as the sun began to sink behind the hills.

Merlin and Arthur stood on the shore, talking. They were much more relaxed and less formal now that they weren't in the presence of Sir Dinas and Freya.

"Thank you for sharing your dinner with us," Arthur said. "It was kind of you."

"Oh, it was no trouble at all," Merlin said, brushing it away with a wave of his hand. "Though you should be thanking Freya. She's quite a good cook."

"Yes, she is. How could I have forgotten you were rubbish at it?"

"Oi!" Merlin cried out in mock hurt. He grinned. "I suppose you're right, though."

"Of course I am," Arthur said, chin up in the air. "I'm never wrong."

Merlin snorted.

"Oi!" Arthur said, though it held no real heat behind it. "I see you still don't know how to behave around a prince. Or, rather, around anyone. But especially a prince."

"Suppose some things never change."

"Suppose they don't," Arthur agreed. He crossed his arms and looked out at the lake for a few moments. He glanced back at Merlin. "And some things do."

"I haven't changed, have I?"

"I never thought you'd be one to run away. Not without a word telling me, anyway."

Merlin shrugged. "I wasn't running away." His hands splayed to the side, unable to explain. "I was running … to. Or something. To something."

Arthur looked around the valley and up at the little cottage. Following his gaze, Merlin could see Freya's silhouette in the window. "Or someone."

Merlin could not contain his smile even if he tried. "She is a fine woman. She's right for me."

Arthur looked back at Merlin. "Yes," he said slowly. "She is quite nice. If not a little … nervous."

"Nervous? What do you mean?" Merlin asked, trying not to sound defensive.

Arthur put up his hands. "I just meant, she did not seem very comfortable with me or Sir Dinas."

Merlin snorted again. "You're the crown prince of Camelot. I don't think anyone is supposed to be at ease with you. And I thought you _liked_ it that way."

"You seem to be perfectly fine with not holding your tongue," Arthur pointed out.

"And it drives you mad."

Arthur grinned. "Only a little. And I'm sorry," he added. "I did not mean for that to be taken badly, about your wife." He paused for a moment. "God, it's odd saying that about _you_."

"I will have you know I'm a fine catch myself," Merlin said. He looked incredulously at Arthur when Arthur took his turn to snort. Merlin insisted, "I am!" But then he shrugged and turned a little serious. "Freya doesn't easily trust. She's had a hard time of it in her life. People have not always treated her kindly."

Arthur pondered that, and then pointed out, "She trusts you."

Merlin smiled softly. "Yes, she does."

"And she loves you." Merlin cast a sharp glance at Arthur. Arthur only nodded and continued, "It's very easy to see."

"Well, I love her."

"That's very easy to see too." Arthur clasped a hand on Merlin's shoulder. He said teasingly, "I suppose it's reason enough not to drag you back to Camelot and throw you in the stocks for abandoning your position."

"You wouldn't!"

Arthur rolled his eyes, his hand dropping down. "I just told you I wouldn't. Although, your departure's seemed to spread some terrible disease."

Merlin looked at him, confused. "Sire?"

"The Awful Servant disease," Arthur said. "I've been through six since you left. None were nearly as good as you and you were absolute rubbish."

Merlin started to chuckle.

Arthur glared at him. "What?"

"You've missed me."

"What?" Arthur asked, incredulous. He waved his hand dismissively. "I have not."

"You have!" Merlin insisted, laughing. "I'm not rubbish and you've missed me because I was an amazing servant."

"Amazing is stretching it a bit much, don't you think?"

Merlin grinned cheekily. "Nope. I don't think it's saying quite enough, even."

Arthur turned on his heels and started to head back up to the hut, where he and Sir Dinas had set up camp next to it. "Don't be ridiculous."

Merlin hurried to catch up, easily falling into step beside Arthur. "It's fine, you don't have to admit it. We both know it's what you think. I'm not actually a rubbish servant and we both know."

"I don't know about your servitude, as you seemed to have run from it," Arthur said dryly. "But I have noticed your medicinal touch has improved. Whatever you did to Sir Dinas' ankle, it's already greatly approved."

"You can try changing the subject all you want, Arthur--"

"Merlin."

Merlin laughed but he didn't press it much. "But, yes, I suppose I have done a bit better in that field. I'm no Gaius, but I tried." And, of course, kept it quite secretive when he whispered the incantation over Sir Dinas' foot. Only Freya, her eyes popping wide, had even noticed. Merlin expected to get quite the scolding when the two Camelot nobles took their leave.

Merlin added, "You're both more than welcome to stay as long as you need; until his foot is healed, anyway. He really should rest."

"Thank you," Arthur said courteously. "But we really must be on our way. We're already falling behind and this rest for the night is not going to help."

"May I ask why you're all the way out here?" Merlin said, trying to be polite.

"No, you may not," Arthur said, "though I doubt that'll stop you."

Merlin grinned. "So why are you out here?" Arthur had been rather vague about it, which immediately made Merlin suspicious and somewhat concerned.

They had reached the little hut, and Arthur glanced up at the window. In a hushed voice, he answered, "I didn't want to startle Freya. But we're tracking a warlock we believe has come this way."

Merlin tried to put on a confused air. "Oh? Warlock?"

Arthur nodded seriously. "Yes. He stole something of great value of my father's. He's rather ruthless, that warlock, and he has no care for the kingdom or the king. He stuck down three knights as if it were nothing. He's incredibly dangerous."

"And you're tracking him down to punish him?" Merlin asked, frowning.

"That is a part of it, yes, but I'm to retrieve the stolen goods."

"Ahh," Merlin said. Curious, he asked, "What is the warlock's name?"

"Alvarr."

Merlin exclaimed loudly, " _What_?"

It was enough to get Freya's attention, and she poked her head outside the door.

"Merlin?" she questioned. "Are you all right?"

Merlin looked at Freya, and then to Arthur, astonishment on his face. "Alvarr was here."

"He was? When? When did you see him?" Arthur asked urgently. "You know this sorcerer?"

"Sorcerer?" Freya asked nervously. She joined Merlin at his side, taking his hand into hers. "We don't know him. Not really. He was a traveller who stopped for a brief rest."

"When?"

Merlin answered, "Day before last. He was looking for the next village." Merlin worried his bottom lip and continued, "To meet up with a friend. We told him how to get there."

"He was _here_?" Arthur questioned. "Day before last?"

Freya nodded and looked up at Merlin. Merlin looked troubled and said, "I had no idea he had magic."

"That's the point, isn't it? They're crafty and they hide," Arthur said. He looked at the now darkened sky. "I have to go after him. Now."

"You can't," Merlin said. Arthur looked at him as if daring Merlin to try and stop him. "The paths to town are really rough, Arthur. You won't be able to travel in the dark. Especially with an injured knight."

Arthur sighed and looked unhappy. But he agreed. "You're right. We'll set off at break of day." He nodded to Freya and Merlin. "We should all turn in."

Merlin's arm went around Freya's shoulders. "Yes. We'll bid you farewell in the morning."

Arthur nodded and wished them a good night, then retired to the tent he had set up.

Merlin didn't expect he'd get a very decent sleep at all.

 

 _**… Six moons ago …** _

Merlin must've been so distracted that he didn't hear the bird sing to him -- he hadn't realized that Freya approached. He was in a little clearing in the woods that lined the valley. He often wandered the woods, looking for different plants or perhaps some firewood. But Freya knew that there was that little area that he often retired to, to read his book or just sit in peace.

His current task didn't seem peaceful at all.

There was a large tree and it was animated, swinging its branches to and fro. One in particular poked out at Merlin as if it was wielding a sword.

Merlin was, in fact, wielding a sword. Freya never understood why he ever bothered with on; when she questioned him he only shrugged and said it was a good idea to take extra precaution.. Freya knew that Merlin's powers were protection enough.

And now here he was, in a fighting stance. He gripped the sword tightly in his hand and he swung out at the tree when its branches attacked him.

She watched him for a couple minutes, pondering the reason why Merlin would even care to learn sword fighting, or how effective using a magic tree would even be.

When there was a slight pause, Freya thought the practice session was over.

"Merlin?" she called out, letting him know she was there.

Just as he glanced up at her with a smile, a tree branch swung around and hit him in the backside, causing him to fly forward and sprawl face first into the ground.

"Merlin!" Freya said, rushing over to him.

He rolled onto his back and muttered an incantation; the tree went upright and settled into its natural position. He twisted to look up at her, grinning widely. "Hello, Freya!"

"What are you doing?" she asked, helping him as he got to his feet. He slung a tired arm over her shoulder.

"Practicing!"

"Sword fighting?"

"Yes. And magic. Did you see what I made the tree do? It was almost as if it had a mind of its own!"

"Yes, it was great," Freya said distractedly. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm fine," he said, brushing it off. He flailed his arms about and looked as though he was going to do a little dance. He flashed a quick grin across his handsome face. "Good as new!"

Freya couldn't help but return a smile. "If you say so."

"I do!" he said. He bent over and picked up his sword, then clasped his other hand around hers. He led her out of the clearing and back towards the cottage. "And what brings you out here?"

"Well, I was thinking. The weather has finally let up." She glanced up at the clear, spring sky, as if daring more rain clouds to appear. "And the lake is finally calm."

Merlin exclaimed, "The boat!"

Freya gave a light laugh at that. "Yes, the boat. Should we go out?"

He beamed. "I think that's a great idea."

The boat was only very small and would only ever be able to hold the two of them. It was here when they came to the house, and the boat was worn and rickety. But it floated and didn't have any leaks, and it was good enough for them to go out for a bit.

The oars lay along the bottom, forgotten. They didn't need it when Merlin used his magic to steer them around. She knew he'd let go of his power when they began to drift a bit. Merlin was sitting back, rested on his elbows behind him, his eyes closed as his head was tilted up toward the sun.

"It's really peaceful here, isn't it?" he asked.

She wondered if it was rhetorical but answered him. "Yes, it can be." She reached a hand over the side of the boat, her fingertips brushing over the surface of the water. "It really can be."

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Aren't you glad that we ended up by a lake?"

She smiled. "I would've been happy anywhere with you."

His face broke into a smile so wide that his cheeks scrunched up and his eyes became little slits and very nearly disappeared. "Come now," he said, waving a hand.

"It's true!" she said, laughing. She conceded, "But, yes, I'm happy we're by a lake." She pulled her hand out of the water, little droplets falling back to where they belonged. Looking around she said, "I've never been this far out before, though."

"Nervous?"

"No," she answered truthfully. She smiled at him. "You wouldn't let anything happen to me."

"No, I wouldn't," he said happily. "Also, I have experience in saving a man from sinking to the depths of a lake!"

She looked surprised. "You do?"

Merlin nodded emphatically. "Sure do. While he was wearing armour, too!"

He sat up straight and his hands became to flail around as he launched into the story. Freya sat patiently, nodding and responding in all the right places. She was quite in awe over the magical adventure he had, all right under the prince's nose. And while saving him from a watery death as well!

Freya loved hearing Merlin's stories but she found many of them had one very common theme. When he finished, he had a dazed sort of smile on his face, as if he was still seeing something ages away. Freya said gently, "It sounds like you had many adventures while working for the prince."

His head snapped up to look at her. "Yeah. I did," he agreed.

"Do you… oh, I don't know. Do you miss it?"

"Miss what? Being in mortal danger all the time? Never."

Freya raised an eyebrow. "Why do you fight trees, then? You miss the adventure in being the prince's manservant."

"I do not."

"Then you miss him," Freya said gently.

"Who, Arthur?" Merlin laughed. "He's just a royal pain in the arse is all, that one." He shook his head. "That's a life I don't mind leaving behind."

"I think you do," Freya said. But she smiled kindly. "But I think that's okay."

"Freya," Merlin said, leaning forwarding in the boat.

It rocked a bit, and Freya gave a sudden nervous start of a laugh. "Merlin, be careful!"

It didn't stop him from shifting closer to her. He took her hands into his. "All right, all right, it's true. The adventure was fun. Aaaand –" He rolled his head slightly from side to side. He smiled. "I'll admit it, perhaps I even miss that prat of a prince a little." He said seriously, "But I'm glad to be here with _you_. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't have left. I promise."

"All right," she said, squeezing his hands. "I believe you."

He settled back into his spot on the other side of the boat. "Good," he said.

It was true -- she did believe he wanted to be there with her, but she was well aware that a part of him would always belong to Camelot.

 

 _**… Tomorrow …** _

Arthur kept true to his word when he said he would be up at the break of dawn. Merlin and Freya were as well; Freya made some breakfast to feed them all as Merlin helped clear up the little camp. Sir Dinas was attempting to help as best he could, though he had trouble putting any weight on his injured ankle. It was a wonder to think of how he was going to ride.

Freya exited the cottage juggling three bowls in her hands. "Here," she said, handing one to each of the men.

Arthur glanced down at the bowl and tried to pass it off. "Thank you," he said with formal courtesy, "But we really must move out."

Despite the sombre mood, Merlin had to hide a grin. He remembered the prince's aversion to porridge.

"But, sire," Freya started, "It'll only take but a minute to eat. You need your strength."

Sir Dinas said, "Thank you for your generosity."

"Forgive my rudeness," Arthur said, taking a hold of the spoon. "You're right. Thank you."

When they were done, Freya collected the bowls, setting them on the small bench outside the home. Working up her courage, she mentioned, "Perhaps Merlin should go with you?"

Merlin looked at her, surprised, "Freya!"

Arthur glanced at Merlin then looked at her. "Why would you suggest that?" he asked, looking more thoughtful then angry.

"He knows these woods like the back of his own hand," she informed him. "They can be difficult to navigate and you wouldn't want to waste time being lost."

"You make an excellent point," Arthur said, an impressed look on his face. "We are far from Camelot and I'm not familiar with these forests."

"I'm not sure," Merlin said, glancing between the two.

"Also," Freya said, a bit of a tease in her voice, "you're likely to mope for days if you don't go."

Merlin looked put upon. "I do _not_ mope!"

Together, Arthur and Freya answered, "Yes, you do."

Freya had a small grin on her face as she glanced at Arthur. The prince laughed in spite of himself. He clapped Merlin on the back. "What do you say, Merlin?" he asked. "It can be like old times."

Merlin looked torn, continuing to look from the prince back to his wife. "I can't," he said. The look on Arthur's face faltered a bit. Merlin explained, "I can't leave Freya here by herself."

"It's all right, Merlin," she ensured. "I've stayed before while you've gone into the village."

He reminded her, "Not when there was a dangerous sorcerer travelling around." He looked back at Arthur. "I shouldn't."

"Of course," Arthur said. "I understand." He looked over at his knight and then approached him. Clapping him on the shoulder, he asked, "How fare you, Sir Dinas?"

The tall knight bowed his head. "I am ready, my lord," was the instant reply.

Arthur eyed him, glancing down to his lame foot, which gingerly rested on the ground with all his weight on the good one. "And your ankle? Truthfully?"

"A bit sore," the knight answered, unable to lie to his liege. He ensured, "But I can ride."

"Of this I have no doubt. You did a fine job in riding through the pain." The knight pulled his shoulders back proudly. Arthur continued, "You're a brave knight, invaluable to my service."

"Thank you, sire."

Arthur clapped him on the shoulder again -- not friendly, but strong and proud. "I wish to keep you fighting fit for a long time. Were we home in Camelot, Gaius would tell you to sit a day or two to heal and I know you'd be more than ready. Now, I fear permanent injury."

"Sire?"

"A solution!" Arthur declared, as if he were the most brilliant man that ever was. "Merlin will guide me to the town and we will gather what information we can about this sorcerer. Then we'll come back here. You will stay and rest your injury while taking watch over this woman who has shown us kindness."

The knight's face twitched with thought -- or perhaps struggled. He would not want to have staying behind be something disgraceful to his character; though clearly the prince did not think so and he did not want to act against the prince's wishes.

Arthur nodded encouragingly, "Will you do what I ask?"

That put the finality into it. Sir Dinas bowed his head slightly. "I will, your highness." He turned to Freya and nodded at her. "For your protection."

Freya's cheeks went pink under the unexpected attention. "Thank you."

"Excellent!" Arthur exclaimed, his arms thrown up slightly as if rejoicing the simple decision. The charm quickly slipped from his demeanour and he became serious. He pointed a finger at Merlin. "Merlin, you'll take Sir Dinas' horse. Ready it immediately. We must leave."

"Yes, Arthur," Merlin said, positively beaming. "I'll just be a minute to grab some things."

Arthur opened his mouth -- likely to tell Merlin to hurry -- when Freya supplied, "Your pack is just inside the door, ready for you."

Merlin paused in his steps, turning to her with a surprised look that quickly turned into a grin. "What a woman," he said. He softly grabbed her cheeks and kissed her soundly on the mouth.

He broke the kiss when there was less-then-subtle coughing from behind them. He threw a grin over his shoulder at Arthur, planted a quick kiss on Freya's forehead, and rushed to prepare to leave.

Once ready, the two men started out on their horses. The sun was starting to rise higher, filling the forest before them with light. The wind rustled gently through the leaves. When a bird chirped, Merlin shifted in the saddle and looked back over his shoulder. He saw Freya standing beside their home, watching them leave. Sir Dinas was standing next to her, his red cape trailing behind him on the wind.

Merlin waved and Freya returned it.

Arthur and Merlin pressed on.

 

 _**… The day after tomorrow …** _

It almost seemed like happenstance, the way they came across Alvarr.

After the morning of travel, they were forced to rest overnight with bad weather, but they rose early reached the town in the early morning. Arthur and Merlin dismounted and tied up the horses, and Merlin led them to the local tavern. It was the best place to gather information with the right amount of coin. Fortunately, that was not a problem for the prince of Camelot though they had decided to keep Arthur's identity very vague.

They walked toward the squat building. Exiting with his head bent down, they saw Alvarr; straightening up, he looked right at Arthur and Merlin. Recognition flashed across his face.

Alvarr took off running.

"Halt!" Arthur yelled, drawing his sword. He and Merlin started to chase after Alvarr when he disappeared behind a building. They had just rounded the corner when they had to jump out of the way of a horse, both tumbling to the ground as they avoided being trampled. Alvarr kicked his heels, bringing the horse to a hard gallop down the village's main road. Other villagers had to rush out of their way to prevent harm, baskets of vegetables dropping to the ground and small carts toppling over.

Arthur and Merlin scrambled to their feet. "The horses!" Arthur exclaimed unnecessarily as they both hurried to them. Mounting the saddles, they pushed them into a gallop; the villagers already knew to stay out of the way.

With his head start, Alvarr was able keep ahead of them, but they could follow him easily. Arthur had the best steed in the land, and Merlin was using Sir Dinas', which was also a find horse.

After what seemed as though they'd be riding for hours, Alvarr's horse gave a terrible whiney and it fell to the ground, Alvarr tumbling with it. But it was a smooth landing for him and he jumped to his feet and ran into the forest.

They were unable to lead their horses off the beaten path; the brush and bramble were much too thick for them to follow on the animals. Merlin and Arthur dismounted and followed Alvarr on foot. They were able to keep him in their sights, catching flashes of him dashing between the trees.

For a moment Merlin had thought they had lost him but the thick woods opened up to a clearing. There Alvarr stood at the edge of a cliff and behind him the open water expanded to the horizon.

Arthur and Merlin halted, the prince drawing his sword and taking a ready stance. He gestured to Merlin and they spread out a bit, the three men forming a triangle.

Merlin drew his own sword also and at least Arthur had the decency not to roll his eyes, as he'd done when he first saw Merlin was bringing it on their trek.

Alvarr greeted them first. "You won't be needing those," he said. With a flick of his fingers, the swords were ripped out of their hands and flew through the air. They landed tip down into the ground beside Alvarr. "Better."

Arthur would not be deterred by this. "Give it up, Alvarr." Which Merlin thought it was a stupid thing to say, to taunt the sorcerer who had just taken their weapons so easily.

Alvarr barely looked at the prince. His smile was all too serene for the situation as he stared at Merlin.

And then Merlin knew. He said grimly, "It's a trap. He wanted us here."

Alvarr's smile grew wider, baring teeth. "A meeting," he corrected. "The crystal has foreseen it. It's the only reason I used my real name with you the other day. I knew you would find me."

Arthur had explained to Merlin on the way to town that the crystal was the treasure that Alvarr had stolen from the king's vaults. Arthur didn't know what it did, and neither did Uther, but it was very valuable to sorcerers and they wanted it badly. It had only made Merlin curious to hear that and he hoped to learn what it was for.

Merlin responded, "And still you were deceitful."

Alvarr chuckled. "Weren't we both?"

"Enough chat," Arthur commanded, with little patience for the sorcerer. He stepped forward to Alvarr but quickly paused when Alvarr turned to him.

Alvarr's arm was extended out toward him. Miniature bolts of blue lightening danced between his fingertips. "I wouldn't if I were you, highness," Alvarr warned. "You have no idea what this place is, do you?"

Merlin didn't know what this place was either but he was beginning to _feel_ it. It felt as though his magic was filling up, like a goblet to the rim that was about to overflow. It was seeping into him, fuel to his fire. He never felt so strong before, so invincible. It reminded him a bit of the Isle of the Blessed, although it was more intense, more concentrated, the feeling here.

"It was a gathering place for our ancestors," Alvarr explained, his eyes trained on Merlin. "It was destroyed a dozen years ago in the war against magic, but the power resides here still. Can you feel it?"

Merlin didn't answer but somehow he knew that Alvarr knew he did.

Arthur didn't understand, nor would he want to. He was here for one reason only. "Hand over the crystal."

"And what?" Alvarr asked, sardonic smile on his face. "You let me go? We both know that isn't true."

Arthur remained calm in the face of magic. "What do you want with us, then?"

"You're here for one purpose only," Alvarr answered. He kept one hand pointed at Arthur, the little lightening bolts crackling. With the other he gestured at Merlin. "It is time, Emrys, for you to make your choice."

Merlin called out, "That's not my name."

Alvarr smiled. "It's your true one. Are you ready to accept it?" He pulled back his arm, as if ready to throw rotten tomatoes at a wrongdoer in the stocks. "I've only seen up to this moment, you will decide what happens next. The fate of our people will depend on you."

He launched his arm forward, a ball of crackling blue lightening flying through the air, aimed right at Arthur.

Merlin physically jumped toward Arthur, an instinctive response. Arthur quickly ducked and rolled across the ground, trying to get away. But Merlin saw the ball curve through the air, following Arthur.

Merlin didn't even give it a second thought. He drew out his magic and threw it towards Arthur.

The ball hit a shield that almost looked like a wall. It was a translucent sparking gold but was easily visible as it hung in the air between Arthur and Alvarr. Arthur stood up slowly, staring at it. He took two steps back but the wall of magic followed Arthur, staying within a couple inches of him.

Alvarr laughed. "Interesting choice, Emrys. You save the prince with your magic."

When Merlin looked at Arthur he saw a myriad of emotion flash across his face: confusion, shock, anger, and finally -- nothing. He looked at Merlin as if he didn't know him at all. They only stood a few feet from each other but it suddenly felt like a cavernous distance.

Alvarr said smoothly, "You realize he'll chop off your head the first chance he gets?"

Merlin glanced at the ground and then up at Alvarr; he wasn't sure he wanted to look at Arthur that moment.

Alvarr continued, finally addressing Arthur straight on, "Do you know what that's like? What if one day it was declared that you and your knights were evil, just for existing?" He sneered. "How do you think it would feel, having all your friends and kin rounded up like lambs and slaughtered? I hope one day you feel the same pain you and your father have inflicted."

"Enough," Merlin yelled out. "The crystal, Alvarr. Hand it over."

"Come and join me. It's time for you to learn your full potential."

"Yours is not the first offer I've received," said Merlin. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Arthur look at him. Merlin kept a steady gaze forward. "I will not stand against Arthur."

"You left him once before. We rejoiced when we heard that piece of news."

"But not to oppose him. It had nothing to do with him."

"And now you see what life without him can be like. Help us bring magic back to the land."

But Merlin stood fast, shaking his head. He would never consider Alvarr's position seriously, even if that meant dealing with the consequences allotted by Arthur.

Alvarr was angered and he no longer kept his calm. "You would betray who you really are, just to defend him?"

"Yes," Merlin said resolutely.

"You would damn us all?" Alvarr asked. His eyes narrowed angrily and he pointed at Merlin. "This will not be forgiven."

He muttered an incantation under his breath, and the air around him turned into a golden wind. Merlin had seen this bit of magic before, the very first day he was in Camelot. "No!" he said, trying to reach out with his magic to stop Alvarr, to somehow grasp at the crystal, though he wasn't sure Alvarr even had it on his person. But, within an instant, the wind swept Alvarr up and he was gone.

Merlin dropped the magic that was protecting Arthur. Immediately, Arthur strode over to his sword and pulled it out of the ground.

Merlin was troubled, and a stricken look suddenly marred his features. "Freya!" Alvarr -- no, he wouldn't. He wouldn't do that. Would he?

He turned to address Arthur, and found that the tip of Arthur's sword was now within a foot of him, pointed at his throat.

Merlin swallowed thickly. "Arthur?"

Arthur's eyes narrowed and his jaw set in a tight line.

Merlin quickly amended, "You highness?"

"Did you just start practicing after you left?" Arthur asked. His voice was cold, detached, but for a moment his eyes looked hopefully as they searched Merlin's.

Merlin wouldn't lie to him any more, wouldn't cover up any of his secrets now that it was. "No," he said, sadly. "I -- I've always been this way. For as long as I can remember."

This didn't do anything to relieve that look on Arthur's face; in fact, it made that little bit of hope disappear.

Merlin knew what this meant -- knew that magic was forbidden and, as Alvarr had made so clear, punishable by death. Merlin thought that maybe he was going to die right away.

It infuriated Merlin, made him boil with anger. He had thought about this moment a hundred times over. He imagined that maybe Arthur would be able to -- or, at least, wouldn't look at him so. As if Merlin was a disgusting being who didn't deserve to live. Merlin didn't know what to expect, but he never wanted it to be this.

"By all rights, and the law of Camelot," Arthur said, teeth gritting together, "I should kill you."

"Fantastic," Merlin bit out angrily. "I save your life and this is what I get for it?"

"How do I know you're not in league with him?" Arthur said. The tip of the sword drew nearer to Merlin's chest. "That you're actually in on his scheme?"

"My wife," Merlin hollered. He would not back down, even if it meant facing his death. "Think what you want, Arthur, but I'm going to get Freya. If you won't want to come with me, then don't."

Merlin turned from him, knowing full well it might not be the best plan, to turn his back on Arthur, but he knew that Arthur would not be a coward and stab him in the back. He'd want to do it face on.

However, he apparently had no problem pushing his sword tip into Merlin's back. Arthur demanded, "Where do you think you're going? We're not done here."

Merlin glanced over his shoulder, eyes flashing with anger. "We're taking a break," he said angrily. "Until I know she's all right, hear me? Then you can do whatever you want, Arthur. Torture me, interrogate me," Merlin said, his voice rising frantically, "burn me, chop off my head!"

Arthur didn't even flinch. Merlin suddenly felt drained, and his voice was a little desperate as he said, "But show me mercy long enough to know that mad man hasn't harmed her. Or your knight."

The air was thick with tension, the only sound coming from the waves hitting the bottom of the cliff. Arthur kept his eyes narrowed and Merlin could see him calculating the situation, the way it weighed down on him. Arthur's jaw was set so firmly Merlin thought it might crack.

Finally, voice as cold as deep winter's night, Arthur said, "Let's go."

Arthur gestured to Merlin to lead the way; he wondered if it was because he didn't trust to have Merlin out of his sights, or to have him follow behind Arthur. And that hurt. But Merlin took a dozen steps before spinning around. Arthur's sword, still in hand, came back up to attention.

"Art--sire," Merlin said. He sighed deeply. "I really am sorry."

It was if Arthur couldn't stop himself from snapping, "For what? Lying? Or being what you are?"

"Yes," Merlin said. "Both." He stepped a bit closer to Arthur and he did not back down. The sword tilted up as Merlin practically walked into it, until it was nearly pressing into the underside of Merlin's chin. Merlin added, "And for this."

He quickly whispered an incantation, and Arthur and Merlin were enveloped in a golden wind.

 

 _**… The day after tomorrow, later…** _

They followed the trail of blood splatters, deep red dots splayed on autumn greens and browns. Merlin was frantic, his mind racing; if only he'd known the spell to get them there more precisely. If only they hadn't appeared in the middle of the forest, having to walk (or, rather, run) what seemed miles to get to the little burning hut beside the lake. Merlin knew: this was his fault.

They found Freya rested up against a tree; her simple blue dress strained red from the deep wound in her side.

Merlin dropped to her side, tears already welling up in his eyes. He cradled her gently in his arms. She seemed even more delicate and fragile then she usually did.

Gasping she told them, "I tried to stop him. I--"

"Shhh," Merlin shushed her. "It's all right. Save your strength. I'm going to save you."

"No," she gasped, managing to lift a hand to his cheek. "I know what you're thinking. I forbid it."

Arthur had dropped down to her other side, hands hovering over her body, as if unsure what to do, or how to help her. He pulled off his travelling vest, handing it to Merlin. Merlin pressed it into her side, and she gasped, back arching.

Merlin was resolved. "I will not let you die."

Freya smiled through the pain, though her gaze no longer looked focused. "You've saved me already, my knight."

Merlin tried to smile at her little term of endearment; what Arthur thought of it, he did not know, and he didn't even bother looking at the prince. He just focused on Freya. "I promised to protect you."

Freya smiled. "You did for longer then anyone else ever did. Now, I'm worried for you."

Merlin shook his head. "No, don't."

"But you have someone to look after you. Make sure you go with him."

Merlin shook his head. "Freya, please," Merlin said. "Don't talk like that. Everything will be fine. You'll be fine."

"Promise me you'll go with Arthur," Freya said, voice growing weaker by the second.

Merlin whispered, "I can't anymore." He didn't say why because the last thing he wanted was to cause Freya any more stress.

"Merlin--"

Arthur said, "He'll come." Freya's eyes glanced towards Arthur; Merlin's head whipped in his direction, eyes flashing angrily. Arthur had no place to say anything. Arthur just looked down at Freya, "He'll be looked after."

"Good," Freya said. Her quiet voice called Merlin's attention back to her. There was a very small smile on her face but it quickly went slack and her eyes became unblinking.

"Freya!" Merlin called out. "Freya, no."

Merlin gathered Freya's body closer to his, burying his face into her hair. He didn't know how long he sat like that and he didn't even notice when Arthur stood up to leave him to mourn.

 _**… Two days later …** _

 

The ground was hard underneath Merlin's outstretched body. Merlin stirred from his deep sleep, moaning as he turned from his side onto his back. Blinking sleep from his eyes, he was confused to see a canopy hanging low over his head.

Struggling to sit up, his spine cracking, he crawled out of a makeshift tent. He saw he was on the shore of the lake.

With that realisation, the reality of what had happened resurfaced in his memory and it hit him like a punch to the stomach. All the wind was sucked out of him and he gasped. He closed his eyes and tried to breath.

He remembered carrying Freya's body down to the lake. He walked right past Arthur, who was preparing a pyre for Sir Dinas, and neither man spoke to the other. Merlin prepared Freya's body; she was laid down in the small rickety boat. Merlin collected some of her favourite flowers and plants that grew on the edges of the lake and placed them lovingly with her.

He pushed the boat off the shore, using his magic to steer it out to the middle of the lake. With an outstretched hand, he used his magic to set it on fire. He stood with tears silently streaming down his face until there had been nothing left.

Finally, his legs collapsed from beneath him and he sank down to the ground. It was the last thing he remembered.

"Merlin."

Back in the present, Merlin glanced over, blinking. He was surprised to see Arthur sitting beside a small fire. His expression was blank but at least it wasn't traced with anger.

Merlin shuffled to his feet, limbs feeling tired and heavy. "Did you… " Merlin hooked a thumb in the direction to where he'd been sleeping. "Did you put that up?"

"You've been sleeping for two days."

"What?" Merlin asked. He sank to the ground by the fire, stretching out his hands to warm off the cold. "I have?"

"Yes, you lazy sod. You'd roll over a mumble but nothing would wake you up."

"Oh. I guess I was tired." The words between them were awkward, stilted.

Merlin sat quietly, looking at Arthur. He wished he could read his thoughts, get some sort of inclination as to what Arthur was planning to do with him. But Arthur's face gave nothing away. He just looked back, expression guarded.

Finally, Merlin sighed and asked, "Why are you here, Arthur?" Merlin gave up any pretence of using Arthur's formal title. He wondered if it would anger Arthur and found he didn't have the energy to care at the moment.

"I told you, you were sleeping. I couldn't bloody well drag you to Camelot, could I?"

Merlin looked at him, surprised. "You could've left."

Arthur shook his head. "No, I couldn't."

"I can't go with you, Arthur."

"You will."

"No, I won't."

"Yes, you will."

Merlin huffed an annoyed sigh. "Why, Arthur? So you can turn me in? Watch my execution?" His words weren't angry, or even resigned, but Merlin was forward with them. He knew it was not the time to avoid this issue and it was time he and Arthur faced it, head on.

For his part, Arthur didn't even flinch. He looked unapologetic; he also looked curious. "Is that why you left? Because you're …" He trailed off but gestured at Merlin. Merlin realised that he was avoiding the very word.

Merlin supplied, "Magic?"

Arthur visibly tensed at this, but he nodded. "Yes. That."

Merlin shrugged. "Partly, I suppose. But it was because I met Freya. We knew it would be safer for us if we left Camelot." By this time, tears had prickled Merlin's eyes but he swallowed them back. He glanced over his shoulder, up to the little hut. The stone walls were burnt black, the thatched roof completely caved in. Merlin said, sadly, "Seems we were wrong there, weren't we?"

Arthur was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry about your wife."

Merlin tried to smile, tried to be brave but he didn't think it worked. "Yes,' he said, avoid cracking. He coughed, clearing his throat. "There's nothing you could've done about that."

Arthur remained silent, not answering. Another awkward silence fell and Merlin tilted his head back, looking up to the clouded sky. Finally, it was the growl of Merlin's stomach that broke the silence.

Arthur handed Merlin a bowl -- it had black scorch marks on it but it was still in tact. "Here," he said. "I went into your home," Arthur said. "But there wasn't much left."

Merlin accepted the bowl and shrugged off Arthur's comment. "There wasn't much to begin with."

Arthur frowned. "You were muttering in your sleep -- something about a coin?"

"Oh, god," Merlin said, nearly spitting out his mouthful of cold porridge. "Her coin. I need to—"

He trailed off as Arthur held up half of a coin. "Is this is?"

"Yes. Please, yes," Merlin said. Arthur flicked it at him and Merlin deftly caught it with one hand. He dug into his own pocket and pulled out his half of the coin. He clasped the two halves tightly in his hand and felt as if he'd never let them go. Arthur didn't say anything to him about it and Merlin didn't elaborate either.

Merlin continued to eat, occasionally glancing up through his eyelashes to look at Arthur. Arthur stared at him but Merlin couldn't read his expression.

Mouth full, Merlin asked, "What?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, as if it where an automatic response. He caught himself and scowled. Merlin swallowed and sighed. "What do you want to ask, Arthur?"

Arthur waited a moment, the silence crushing in on them, and then he asked, "The other day -- in that place." He pursed his lips together and Merlin wondered if Arthur was trying to forget that place altogether. But he finally continued, "Is it true, what you said? About always being like --" Arthur trailed off and his hand gestured absently through the air again.

Merlin nodded. "Yes."

"How is that even possible?"

Merlin shrugged. "I don't know. It's not my fault. It just … _is_."

"And when you were in--"

Merlin cut him off. "Yes."

Arthur snapped, "You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Yes, Arthur, when I was in Camelot I had magic. I performed it sometimes too. Not always, mind you. And it was to help whenever I could."

"You -- the other day," Arthur said, frowning.

"I saved you. With magic," Merlin supplied, gently.

"Yes." Arthur looked troubled.

"Arthur," Merlin said, trying to approach it the best he could -- and he had no idea how that was. But he looked Arthur square in the eyes. "It wasn't the first time."

Arthur closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Merlin recognized the gesture and suspected that Arthur had a terrible headache. Had they been in Camelot, Arthur would've made Merlin run to fetch a remedy from Gaius.

"And what you said about your loyalty?"

Merlin answered simply, honestly, "It's yours. Always."

"Not always. You left."

"I-- " Merlin frowned. He sighed. "Yes, I left. But it wasn't anything to do with you. You don't know what it was like for me, having to hide who I am. How was that fair, to you?"

"I had a right to know," Arthur said, distain in his voice.

"Well, now you do," Merlin replied. "I can't change the past, Arthur."

"How much is there to tell me? About what happened when you're in Camelot."

Merlin sighed. "A lot, I'm sure. I don't think you want to know."

Arthur snapped, "I deserve to. I _want_ to know."

"Know what, Arthur?" Merlin fired back. "What could you possibly want to know that would change your mind about anything?"

"My mother."

Merlin blinked, surprised. It wasn't that he'd forgotten about that; it had been the last adventure, as Freya would've put it, that Merlin had before he'd left Camelot. And _of course_ Arthur would want to know. But he was still thrown off by it. "Oh. That."

"Yes, _that_ ," Arthur spat. " _You_ told me not to believe it."

"You were about to kill your father!"

Arthur stood up with a burst of energy. "Damn it, Merlin!" he yelled. He jabbed an angry finger through the air. "I have a right to know the truth."

Merlin yelled back, "At what cost? The death of the king? Your _father_?"

"It would've been easier for _you_ , wouldn't it? A Camelot without a king that hates magic?" Arthur sneered.

"No," Merlin said firmly, shaking his head. "It would've torn you apart. When you're king – Arthur, you'll do what's right for Camelot, but that wasn't how you should've become king."

"Is that your agenda, then? Use me to restore magic to Camelot?"

Merlin stood up too, just as angry as Arthur. He threw his empty bowl to the ground. "I don't have an agenda! In case you've forgotten, I left Camelot. How was I supposed to carry out some," Merlin gestured wildly as he added sarcastically, "some grand plan!"

"How am I supposed to believe that, after all this?"

"Oh, I don't know," Merlin said, false cheer laced on top of sarcasm, "not be a prat?"

"You can't talk to me like that," Arthur snapped immediately, automatically. "I can have you thrown in the stocks for that."

Merlin stopped fidgeting and stared at Arthur in disbelief. "Well, _sire_ ," Merlin stressed. "Out of all the ways I could be punished right now, that one is the least of my concerns."

Arthur paused and frowned. "Don't be stupid, Merlin. I'm not going to kill you."

"Why not?"

"Because, Merlin, you're an idiot," Arthur said impatiently, as if dealing with a child. "You came to Camelot, of all the places, knowing you'd be in danger if you were ever caught. You're protective and loyal to a fault, putting others before yourself -- I know that's why you left with Freya," he said, glaring at Merlin. "And you might have magic but I seriously doubt someone like _you_ knows how to be evil."

"It's not magic that's good or evil," Merlin said, echoing words from his past, "but how a person uses it."

"Well, I don't know about that," Arthur said, shifting on his feet uncomfortably. "But I know you don't have it in you to be evil."

Arthur sat back down and following his lead Merlin did as well. Arthur suddenly looked extremely tired and Merlin wondered if he slept at all the past couple days or if he had been kept up by all these thoughts and questions he seemed to be firing at Merlin.

"Now," Arthur said, "when we get back to Camelot--"

"--Arthur," Merlin interrupted. "I'm not going back."

"Don't be ridiculous, of course you are."

Merlin shook his head, sadly. "I can't," he said. "You know why I can't."

"What are you going to do, then? You can't stay here."

Merlin looked around. He saw the valley, where he and Freya had spent many days together; he saw their home, destroyed beyond recognition; he looked out at the lake, which once held such pleasant memories but now contained his saddest one yet.

"No," he answered softly, "I won't stay here."

"You're coming with me," Arthur said definitively. He sounded pompous, princely, like he used to with Merlin when addressing duties that needed to be done. It was like this was just another chore.

"But, Arthur, you _know_. And that is not a secret I can ask or expect you, of all people, to keep."

"There you go again," Arthur said, annoyed. "Trying to make decisions on my behalf. This, you've got to stop."

"But, Arthur--"

"No, Merlin. As usual, you forget your place. _I_ am the prince, _I_ make the decisions, and _you_ follow them. Understood?"

"Yes, but--"

"Now," Arthur said, talking over Merlin's protests. "There will be rules. And you _will_ follow them."

Merlin looked at Arthur warily. "Rules?"

"Yes, rules. No, commands. Royal commands," Arthur added arrogantly. "First -- no more lies, Merlin. None. Not about you. Not about me. I will know everything, I will make the decisions. I am the prince, you are the servant and you will listen to me and follow my orders."

Merlin mumbled, "You said that already."

"And I've said it a dozen times before and it still hasn't sunk into your thick head. You have no other choice in this."

"Fine."

"I mean it."

" _Okay_ ," Merlin stressed. "No lies. I promise."

Arthur huffed a bit, disbelieving. "I suppose we'll see," he said dryly. Continuing, he said, "No magic."

"Arthur!"

"No, Merlin. None. And by none I mean _absolutely none_ ," Arthur repeated firmly. "It is forbidden in Camelot. It is against the law."

"But, Arthur, I am what I am!" Merlin explained, glumly. "Just being me is breaking the law."

"Well, there is nothing we can do about that," Arthur admitted. "But as long as you don't do any magic, it may be able to be overlooked." The _by me_ remained unspoken but Merlin heard it in Arthur's words.

Merlin nodded numbly.

"Merlin, if you're idiotic enough to do magic -- which you're to swear to me you will not -- but if you do and you get caught?" Arthur shook his head. "No words of mine will protect you. In fact, they'd most likely make the king even more determined to take your head." Arthur paused and the heavy words weighed down on Merlin.

"I understand," Merlin said. He cocked his head to the side, assessing Arthur. The prince had spoken his expectations with strength and commitment; Merlin wondered how much of a front that was and how much he truly believed.

Merlin couldn't help but ask. "Why, Arthur?"

Arthur didn't answer right away. "We promised your wife, didn't I?" he asked rhetorically. "Don't make us into liars. Come to Camelot."

Merlin took a deep breath, eyes watering when he thought of Freya. But, he nodded.

It was time to go home.

 

 _**… The Once and Future …** _

Arthur didn't think it was without a sense of irony that it was actually Merlin's presence that lessened the blow of having to tell the king he failed the mission of retrieving the crystal from Alvarr.

It had been a handful of days travelling back to Camelot, filled with long awkward silences. Merlin had easily stepped into his former role, without being asked, assisting Arthur as if he hadn't been away for two years. As if he'd been Arthur's manservant the entire time.

As they approached Camelot, Arthur told Merlin they needed to see the king immediately.

"To report about Alvarr," Arthur added quickly, looking askance at Merlin as his horse came up beside Arthur's.

Merlin looked at Arthur and blinked. "I know, Arthur," he said, his face trusting. It made something twist in Arthur's stomach.

It turned out that Uther was holding an audience for the lords who had issues to be addressed. As Arthur strode into the hall, Merlin close at his heels, the king quickly dismissed the lord in front of him.

Arthur saw Gwen's jaw drop at the sight of Merlin -- he knew it had been a hard loss for her when her friend had left. Even Morgana looked surprised and somewhat glad to see Merlin. Gaius was there too and he smiled as he looked at his former apprentice, the boy he had taken in and cared for.

"Arthur," his father greeted. Uther looked past Arthur's shoulder and frowned. "Now, this is a sight that hasn't been seen for a couple of years. Isn't this the servant that abandoned you?"

"Yes, Father, but--"

King Uther cut him off. "That is not something that can go unpunished."

"Sire, please," Arthur said, trying to draw the conversation from Merlin. "I have news of Alvarr."

Uther asked immediately, "Do you have the crystal?"

"No, sire. Alvarr escaped with it."

The king did not look pleased, as Arthur had expected. "This is most disappointing, Arthur."

"Yes, sire." It was difficult for Arthur to report this but he knew it could not be avoided. He added, "Merlin helped me track him down, after we came upon his home. Alvarr had passed through mere days before; of course, Merlin didn't know who he was. Sir Dinas had been injured and Merlin joined me in his stead."

"Is that so?"

"It is. After Alvarr escaped us, he returned to Merlin's home. In retribution, Alvarr attacked and killed Sir Dinas, as well as Merlin's wife."

Arthur could hear Gwen's gasp. Morgana's delicate hand fluttered to her chest in sympathy. Gaius took a small step forward, as if he wanted to approach Merlin, but stopped as he glanced at the king.

Arthur glanced back at Merlin. Merlin stood stiffly, arms tense at his sides. His fingertips worried the cuff of his tunic, which was too long and hid half his hands. His head was tilted down, almost shy, or trying to avoid attention. When he glanced up at Arthur through his lashes, Arthur could see his eyes were watery with tears; it was a look he'd seen often the past few days when Merlin had thought Arthur _wasn't_ looking. Arthur hadn't known what to say so he never brought it up but there was no avoiding it here in front of the king.

"Is this true?" Uther addressed Merlin.

Merlin tilted his head up, meeting the Uther's gaze. "Yes," he answered, voice cracking. He coughed and tried again. "Yes, my lord."

The king was silent for a moment but then he nodded, saying fiercely, "Magic has stolen from many."

Arthur's entire body tensed and he had to clench his jaw to prevent himself from saying anything about his mother. He glanced at Merlin again and saw the other man looking back, as if pleading with his eyes for Arthur not to say anything.

Arthur said to his father, "It has."

Arthur finished his account of the hunt for Alvarr -- minus Merlin's magic. And while his father was not pleased, he seemed to take the news better than Arthur had thought he would. Though, naturally, his father went on a rant about the evils of magic and how it must be stopped.

The king granted Arthur's request to reinstate Merlin as his servant. Uther even gave Merlin a very rare, small sympathetic smile.

After they were dismissed, Arthur watched as Merlin was approached by his friends. Gaius pulled him into a hug, one hand patting his back. Gwen threw her arms around Merlin's waist and squeezed hard. Morgana placed a soft hand onto his forearm and placed a chaste kiss onto his cheek.

Merlin accepted each gesture with a small smile that grew bigger with each one, his eyes getting a little dryer. Arthur knew then, with no lingering doubt, that bringing Merlin to Camelot -- bringing him home -- had been the right decision.

Arthur approached him last, standing in front of him. Arthur twisted the ring on his finger, trying to figure out what to say. He thought, perhaps, they'd exhausted all conversation the other day on the shore of the lake. Besides, what they had to say was not something that could be discussed in the open.

"You'll be staying with Gaius, then?"

Merlin nodded. "He said no one else moved in there."

"No, they haven't. That's good. That you'll be staying there."

"Yeah." Merlin didn't elaborate.

There was a moment of awkward silence and Arthur wished it wasn't like that; it had never been like that before, when secrets were kept. It seemed having them revealed, truly knowing someone, left a lot to be desired. It felt as though they were working from the beginning again.

"Well, then," Arthur said. "I'll see you in the morning. You can resume your duties then."

"Of course. Yes."

Arthur gave Merlin's shoulder a strong clap; too strong, perhaps, by Merlin's wince. "All right then."

Arthur figured it was enough of a parting and he turned to leave. He was all but two feet away when Merlin said his name. Arthur looked over his shoulder at Merlin; the other man was shifting on his spot, looking as if he couldn't find the words he wanted to say.

Arthur prompted, "Yes?"

"Thanks," Merlin blurted out. He threw his arms out to the side a bit. "Just… thanks."

Arthur gave a small nod. "See you in the morning."

**

Over the first few days after their return, Arthur was approached by Gaius, Gwen, and Morgana. They each wanted to express their gratitude for bringing Merlin home. For each, he had the same answer:

"If only it hadn't been under such circumstances."

Gaius had nodded his head, murmuring that was certainly true. Arthur had wanted to ask how he thought Merlin was faring but didn't expect more than, "With time, sire."

Arthur asked anyway. He got what he expected.

Gwen approached him, almost hesitantly. Their relationship had changed over the past couple years; they weren't as close as they once were. Not that they were ever _close_ , per se, but after Merlin had left, Arthur was rather distant and closed off with the servants. (Like a prince was supposed to be, and he was angered that he'd forgotten that.) Gwen had gone back to looking at him with silent disapproval in her eyes.

(Morgana had been less silent about it. And now all she said, with a smirk, was "Perhaps Merlin will bring back some of your humility with him." Arthur decided that was a topic about which he didn't wish to speak with her any further.)

When Gwen spoke to him about Merlin, she asked, "Did you meet her?"

"Briefly."

"Was she -- were they happy?"

Arthur thought back to the little time he had known Freya; the way she looked at Merlin, the small smile that was a constant on her face. The way Merlin's face lit up when he looked at her and their constant small, brief touches.

"Yes," Arthur said. "They were very happy, I'd say."

"I wish I could've met her," Gwen said. "He's so sad now. I would've liked to have known him when they were together. To see him happy."

Arthur frowned and didn't say anything else. Gwen gave him an odd look and she returned to her duties.

**

Things settled fairly quickly, Merlin and Arthur falling into their old routine. Merlin hadn't gotten any better as a servant but he hadn't seemed to get any worse either.

Which, really, wasn't saying much when it came to Merlin.

Merlin was quieter than he used to be -- at first, anyway. He moved around Arthur's chambers, only making noise if he dropped something or bumped into furniture. Arthur found himself watching Merlin more; how his fingers moved nimbly as he fastened Arthur's armour, how he shuffled about as he dusted, the way his hands moved as he folded Arthur's laundry or made Arthur's bed.

Arthur didn't know what to do or what to say to make this Merlin more like the old one -- he didn't think there was anything he _could_ do. So Arthur remained silent and Merlin didn't offer anything either.

Until, one day, everything hung in a fragile balance. It was the day Arthur threw water right onto Merlin's face.

Arthur hadn't meant to lose his temper. But Merlin was having a slack day; he was late, the carrying tray had tipped and half Arthur's breakfast tumbled to the ground; Merlin kept dropping Arthur's armour. The final straw had come when Merlin took too long to heat Arthur's bath and it was on the cold side.

"Here, let me heat it up," Merlin said.

He stretched out his arm, fingers splayed in the air. Arthur got a flashback then -- he'd seen _sorcerers_ do that before. He'd seen _Merlin_ do that before.

Instinctively, Arthur threw a pitcher of water at Merlin. "Don't," Arthur growled.

Merlin sputtered as water dripped down his face. For a second, Arthur's heart stuttered -- he knew he shouldn't be mean to Merlin right now. But he could be so _infuriating_ and doing magic would've been the stupidest thing ever.

"What was that for?" Merlin exclaimed, scowling.

Arthur jabbed a finger through the air. "You know what for."

Merlin looked at him quizzically. "I -- you make no sense, Arthur," he said dryly. "Am I allowed to get your hot water now? _Your highness_?"

Arthur could see the water heating over the fire and he realised too late that Merlin hadn't been about to use magic.

But, of course, it's not like he'd let _Merlin_ know that.

He jabbed his finger through the air. "Next time, be quicker."

Merlin shook his head and rolled his eyes. He muttered under his breath, "You don't have to be a prat about it."

" _Merlin!_ You can't--"

"--Address you like that, I know, I know," Merlin said, pouring the hot water into the tub. "I've been told."

"Well, _listen_ to me, for gods sakes."

Done pouring the water, Merlin straightened up. He looked at Arthur oddly. Arthur snapped, "What?"

Merlin burst out laughing.

Arthur blinked and looked at Merlin as if he'd lost his mind. "What is so _funny_?"

"You," Merlin said, a large familiar grin on his face. "It's like I never left."

Merlin left Arthur's chambers then, stating he'd get more water, while he shook his head and grinned.

Arthur stared after him. "Huh."

Later that day, Morgana asked what he'd done to put Merlin into such a cheerful mood. "I haven't seen him like this since he's returned. You must've done something to him."

Matter-of-factly, Arthur said, "I threw water at him."

"You … _excuse me_?" Morgana said, giving him a disbelieving look. "There must be something else."

"No, I threw water at him." Arthur smiled cheekily. "Works every time."

**

Arthur had no idea what it was about the bath incident but it seemed to change something between him and Merlin. Merlin was much more like his old self. He was a lot more chatty, making random comments as he moved around Arthur's chambers or brought him his meal. Merlin smiled a lot more too, whether he was telling Arthur the gossip from the kitchens or rolling his eyes at what he proclaimed was Arthur's prattishness.

Arthur noticed, though, that sometimes Merlin got sad. Merlin tried to cover it up, with smiles and jokes, but they never quite reached his eyes. One day, after a couple days of build up, it had gotten particularly bad. Arthur knew this because Merlin pulled his coins out of his pocket and would alternate between rubbing them together, clasping them tight in his grip, or when he thought no one could see, having them sit in his open palm as he looked at them.

Arthur really had no idea what to do about it, if it was even his place, but the last thing he wanted to see was a moping Merlin hanging about his chambers. Work would never get done that way and it'd only frustrate Arthur when it was done half way.

"Do you need the afternoon off, Merlin?"

Merlin's hand shoved into his pocket, likely to hide his coins. Merlin frowned. "Sire?"

"You don't seem well today."

"I'm fine, Arthur." When Arthur raised a disbelieving eyebrow, Merlin ensured, "Honestly, I am. I'd much rather keep busy right now."

"Well," Arthur said, giving a wave of his hand. "I'm sure I can find something for you to do."

Merlin added dryly, "That I don't doubt." But he grinned. It made Arthur feel better, at the very least.

**

"What is with the coins?"

Morgana and Gwen looked at Arthur; Gwen looked honestly confused while Morgana just smirked.

Morgana said, "I think you have to be more clear on that, Arthur. That's a rather random comment. Have you been taking lessons from Merlin?"

Automatically, Arthur said, "I wouldn't take lessons from him about _anything_."

Morgana rolled her eyes and Gwen gave him a wry look. Gwen sighed. "What coins?"

"Merlin's. He always has coins in his hands. It's a bit odd, really. He never did that before." Arthur almost teased Merlin for it, wanted to tell him that he was wasting time trying to make more gold out of it, but the joke always caught in his throat when he realised it was something that Merlin probably _could_ try and really shouldn't. He continued, with a frown, "It's been since Freya died."

Sympathy instantly melted both women's features as it always did when Merlin's wife was mentioned. They would tut and sigh and Arthur didn't doubt that Merlin would received hugs and chaste kisses next time the women saw him.

It made Arthur roll his eyes -- he didn't think coddling would help Merlin move on either.

"Sire," Gwen said slowly. (She never called him Arthur anymore.) She bit the corner of her lip thoughtfully. "Is it two halves of the same coin?"

"Oh, Gwen," Morgana said. "You don't think--"

Gwen nodded. "It might be, yes."

"That's so sad."

Both of them had a hand come up to rest on their chest, as it an involuntary reaction, and Arthur never understood why women did that. Gwen and Morgana did all the time, especially when it came to Merlin.

Arthur stood there, hands splayed out in the air at his hips. He demanded, "Well. What is the issue here?"

They glanced over at him, annoyed. Well, Morgana was annoyed and Gwen had retreated to her silent disapproval.

"You would think," Morgana said haughtily, "that as a future king you would know the customs of your people."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't."

"Think wedding rings, sire," Gwen put in, a fair more helpful the Morgana.

Arthur was confused. "Wedding rings?"

Gwen sighed and explained. "Peasants can't afford them, usually, so a groom will give his bride a broken coin and keep the other half for himself."

Arthur blinked. "Oh." Other than knowing the marriage laws, he hadn't really thought too deeply about the customs outside of the court.

"Yes. _Oh_ ," Morgana put in. Both her and Gwen tutted at how Merlin must've missed Freya so and wouldn't that be sweet, in an incredibly sad way?

Arthur just frowned and left, lost in his own thoughts.

**

Arthur came back from a late patrol one night and was not at all amused to find his manservant walking the halls of the castle while drunk.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked, annoyed. "You shouldn't be out past curfew!" It would reflect badly on the prince if his own servant broke the laws -- not that Merlin had ever been good at following them, but most people didn't know that.

"I was visiting a --" Merlin frowned. "Not friend. He is _not_ a friend." Merlin's body swayed a bit as he pointed his finger through the air at nothing in particular. "He yelled at me!"

"Imagine that," Arthur muttered under his breath.

"About destiny! And abandoning it! And him. And you." Merlin's face quickly crumpled from outrage to apologetic sorrow. "I didn't mean -- it wasn't that I -- I hadn't thought."

"You often don't," Arthur put in. "Now, get back to where you're supposed to be, Merlin."

"And where's that? No where."

"I meant your bed, Merlin."

"Oh, but is that where I'm supposed to be?" Merlin blinked at Arthur, eyes red and blurry.

"Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. It's late, of course it is."

"That's not what I meant," Merlin intoned. "I don't fit in anywhere, now do I?"

"I'm not discussing philosophy with you while you stink of a tavern, Merlin." Arthur paused and added, "I'm _never_ discussing it with you, actually."

" _Fine_ , Arthur," Merlin said, annoyed. "Let's just drop it and pretend it doesn't exist. That's what we're best at, isn't it?"

"Merlin--"

"Arthur!" Merlin cut him off, flinging a hand in the air. But in his gestured, the coin halves he'd been hiding there flung down the stone hall. " _No_ ," Merlin said, turning in circles, eyes trying to find the coins. He nearly fell over, he was so frantic.

"Oh, for --" Arthur grabbed Merlin's shoulders and shoved him against the wall. Merlin tried to get away but Arthur pushed him back roughly, pointing a finger in his face. "Stay."

"Arthur--"

" _Stay_."

Arthur sighed and looked around for the pieces of coin and wondered just how he got himself into such a situation that it was _he_ who was assisting his manservant and Merlin was starting to be an awful lot of trouble nowadays. But Arthur found the coin halves and pressed them into Merlin's palm, closing Merlin's hands around them.

"Be more careful, would you?" Arthur said.

Merlin nodded. "Thank you."

"I'm not carrying you to Gaius' chambers," Arthur said dryly.

Merlin snorted, the stale smell of ale on his breath. "I'll be fine."

"Right. If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

Arthur paused. "All right, then. See you tomorrow, Merlin."

Arthur almost expected to not see Merlin the next morning but he was surprised to find his manservant was awake -- but not exactly raring to go. He carried in Arthur's breakfast and put it down on the table.

Then Merlin took a seat and his forehead hit the smooth wooden top.

Arthur sat down, amused. "And how are we today?"

Merlin just grunted.

Arthur popped a piece of cheese into his mouth. "So what was it you thought we should be discussing?"

Merlin groaned. "Not now, Arthur."

"I rather thought not," Arthur said, laughing.

**

"How many times, Merlin?"

Arthur stood in his chambers in his hunting clothes, his hand on the hilt of his sword. He was stoned face, jaw tense and eyes flashing as he glared at Merlin.

Merlin, for his part, stood up bravely before him, meeting his eyes straight on.

"Just today, sire," he answered firmly. "I swear to you. I promise."

Arthur shook his head. "No, Merlin. I mean before you left." Arthur huffed. "How many times _have_ you saved me with your magic."

They had been in the woods, hunting, when Arthur's party had been charged by a large beast. It looked like a boar, only four times larger and was golden. One member of their party had been mauled before Arthur and the others could distract it.

They'd tried to kill it with swords, spears, and arrows but to no avail. It charged towards Arthur and the prince kept steady. And when the blade of his sword began to glow blue he _knew_ he'd be fine. He'd chopped off its head, easy and smooth.

Everyone gathered around Arthur, congratulating him on his victory. He glanced over to Merlin, who was standing back a little bit, a big stupid smile on his face.

The smile faltered when Merlin's eyes met Arthur's. That was when Arthur knew for certain that he hadn't defeated the beast alone. Arthur hadn't spoken a word to Merlin -- barely to anyone -- the whole way back to the castle. Not until they reached Arthur's chambers and the first thing Arthur asked was about Merlin's magic.

Merlin didn't back down or flinch or anything. Arthur knew he wasn't lying -- t had been the first time he'd used magic since they'd returned together to Camelot. Well, at least Arthur thought he was telling the truth, but Merlin seemed to be remarkably good at covering up secrets. But surely, now that Arthur knew, he'd be able to tell, wouldn't he?

Merlin answered Arthur's question, "I don't think you want to know how many times." Arthur glared at him. He pulled a glove off angrily and threw it to the floor. Merlin just scowled. "Well, if you're going to act like that about it…"

"Merlin," Arthur snapped. "In case you've forgotten, I am the prince and you will--"

"Tell you everything. I know," Merlin said, rolling his eyes. "Like how many times I've saved your royal backside?"

"I wouldn't put it that way," Arthur said gruffly.

"I would," Merlin said. "That's exactly what happened. A _lot_."

"Tell me," Arthur demanded.

"Arthur, are you sure? Are you _really_ sure?" Merlin asked. "Are we going to go here? Because, once we start, there will be no stopping."

Arthur rolled Merlin's questions around in his head -- he did make a point. The less he knew, the better, for it would feel a lot less like lying to his father. But it made him angry that he didn't know. That Merlin had these parts of him that weren't shown to Arthur.

Merlin added, "Besides, it's going to take me a long time. I used to tell stories to Freya and after two years I still don't think she heard them all."

Arthur glanced at him, surprised that Merlin would bring her up like that. But he didn't look sad or like his big blue eyes were going to start with their girly tears. More, Merlin looked thoughtful. And Arthur began to feel like he was intruding.

Arthur put in, voice without its sharp edge, "I want to know. If you want to tell me."

"I've always wanted to tell you, Arthur. Ever since the beginning," Merlin said, sincerely. "It's just I knew I never could."

Arthur took a seat at his table. He pointed to the chair across from him, inviting Merlin. "You can now."

Merlin sat down, his hands fidgeting on the table top, tracing over a grain in the wood. He didn't say anything for several moments.

Arthur said dryly, "Any time would suffice."

"I'm thinking," Merlin said. "Of where to start."

"I hear the beginning is a good place."

One corner of Merlin's mouth quirked up. "Well, that would be Lady Helen, then."

Arthur's jaw dropped. "What?"

"Actually, no," Merlin said. "It would be before that, when you were a royal prat, and tried to beat me in front of your friends."

"I _knew_ you couldn't actually fight!"

Merlin laughed. "I can too! It's just different than you, now isn't it?"

**

It took several sit downs for Merlin to finish telling his stories and they all left Arthur's head reeling. He'd occasionally ask questions but mostly he just let Merlin blather on; it was what he was best at, after all. He could tell when Merlin was telling his stories there were certain details held back; when Arthur tried to question him, Merlin flat out refused. Merlin said it wasn't his secrets to tell and that he knew better than anyone to not rat someone else out; no amount of prompting or probing or threatening of the stocks would drag them from him. Since Merlin was opening up to him more than ever before Arthur was hard pressed to push him.

When he finally got to the end of his stories, Arthur nodded. "Right, then. All right. So now I know."

"Now you know," Merlin echoed. And that was that.

Although, Arthur hadn't been able to get it out of his head, hearing all that Merlin had done for him. For him, and for Camelot, and Arthur knew now that it wasn't for selfish reasons. There had been no agenda; none other than trying to keep people around him safe.

It troubled Arthur but there really wasn't anyone he could talk to about that. And so he was left in his own thoughts, trying to work it out on his own.

Merlin seemed a little better after speaking with Arthur, as if some sickness that was eating away at his insides had been cured. He smiled freely and laughed more. But there was still something holding him back, Arthur knew it.

Arthur knew that he held the last piece of helping Merlin heal from him. The last thing that would truly make Merlin _Merlin_. But he feared it, he worried over it. He tried to reason with himself; Merlin had risked a lot for him, and had gone a year and a half without getting caught.

It stayed in Arthur's mind for weeks and he didn't know how to act on it so he left it there. But then thing became terribly clear one day when he saw Merlin lovingly polishing Arthur's armour. The armour that represented who Arthur was, what he held dear, what made him the most proud and the happiest.

"Merlin," Arthur said, to get his attention. Merlin looked up from the spot he was dutifully polishing. Arthur said, "Are you still able to put up that, uh, gold shield thing?"

Merlin looked at Arthur, surprised. "Sire?"

"You heard me."

Merlin's eyes shifted with question but finally he shrugged. "I don't know," he answered. "I haven't tried in months. Not since that day, actually."

Arthur waved his hand around. "And the wind? That moved us."

Merlin shook his head. "I seriously doubt it."

"Why not? Aren't you some sort of powerful -- well, you know." Arthur still had problems stringing the words _Merlin_ and _sorcerer_ and _magic_ together, especially while inside the castle.

"Apparently so," he said. He tilted his head to the side, thinking how to explain. "You're a very skilled knight, are you?"

"The best," Arthur responded.

"You have natural talent, yes," Merlin agreed. "But you practice and hone your skills, don't you?"

"Yes," Arthur said. "It's _how_ I'm the best."

"It's why I can't do everything," he said. Merlin's voice dropped low, knowing how it made Arthur uncomfortable. "Some of the spells I did, they took a lot of concentration and practice. I was able to perform the very most powerful ones that day because of where we are -- it was how _he_ ," Merlin never said Alvarr's name anymore, "did too. But without learning and practice?" Merlin shrugged and left it unanswered.

"Do you want to practice?"

Merlin stared at Arthur. He answered, vaguely, "I promised not to."

"Do you _want_ to?"

"Do you want to train with a sword?"

" _Merlin_."

"Of course I do," Merlin finally snapped at him. "It's who I am, Arthur. I mean, taking magic from me is like taking your sword from you."

And it was exactly what Arthur had expected to hear, what he had figured out. How he finally understood what it was like to be Merlin; as best he could, anyway.

Merlin continued. "But there's nothing I can do about it, now is there?" Merlin looked at Arthur, rather hopefully. "Is there?"

"You told me, once, you liked to walk the forests with Freya," Arthur said. "Is that where you practiced?"

"Sometimes," Merlin said.

"Have you been in our forests outside the castle much lately?"

"Not for that," Merlin insisted.

"If you were to go far enough into the forests," Arthur wondered. "Deep, where other magical things seemed to like to hide."

"Yes?" Merlin said, a little hopefully.

"And if you're not an idiot who gets caught."

"I wouldn't," Merlin said solemnly. "And if I were to--"

"You will not," Arthur said firmly.

Merlin shook his head. "No. I won't."

Arthur took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He said, softly, "Merlin, if you were to be caught--"

Merlin said, gently, "I won't. I promise. I'm keeping my promises, aren't I?"

Arthur opened his eyes and looked right into Merlin's big hopeful blue ones. "You are," Arthur answered.

It was all he said but, with the big smile that crossed Merlin's face, Arthur knew Merlin understood what Arthur had been trying to say.

**

Arthur had been surprised when Merlin invited him on a walk through the woods.

"I know you're busy," Merlin said. He pulled the fresh tunic down over Arthur's head. "But perhaps you'd like to come sometime?"

"For a walk? With you?"

Merlin nodded. "In the woods."

"To see you practice magic?" Arthur was proud of himself for not flinching at the word.

Merlin glanced down at the floor, almost bashfully. "You're right. It's stupid."

"No, no, it's not." Arthur shrugged, trying to play off how important the gesture was; what it might have meant to Merlin. What it _did_ mean to Arthur. "May as well see what I'm protecting."

"Right," Merlin said, awkwardly. "You know, you don't have to--"

" _Mer_ lin," Arthur said. "I'd like to. I -- yes, I'll come."

Merlin smiled at him, big and true. "All right then."

That was how Arthur found himself in the forest, walking casually beside Merlin. He was trying his best not to start complaining -- since they'd left the castle, dark clouds had moved overhead and if Arthur found himself in a downpour because of this he was _not_ going to be happy.

They were deep in the woods and the forest was strangely quiet, save for an incessant bird's chirping. Hoping over a little stream, Merlin came to a sudden stop. "Here," Merlin said.

"Here what?"

He dropped to the ground and crossed his legs. Looking up at Arthur, he shrugged and grinned. "We'll stop here." He seemed very sure and confident and Arthur surmised it was where he usually came.

Arthur still couldn't let it go that easily "Aren't I supposed to decide?" he retorted.

"Not today."

Arthur just _humphed_ under his breath but he sat down, facing Merlin. He pulled his legs under him and rested his hands on his knees and raised an eyebrow. He asked Merlin expectantly, "Well?"

"Well what?"

Arthur gestured. "Do… whatever it is you do." In the forest around them, he could hear raindrops starting to splatter on leaves. One landed on the end of his nose. He scowled and rubbed it with the back of his hand. "And quickly because if I become drenched because of you I will _not_ be pleased."

Merlin smiled, his face breaking with that big stupid grin. He looked at the trees around them. Under his breath he whispered words that Arthur couldn't understand and his eyes flashed gold.

The trees around them bent back a little bit, the canopy of branches and leaves that had sheltered them seemed to disappear.

While it should've been impressive, Arthur found himself rolling his eyes. "Great," he said sarcastically. "Please, take away the little shelter we have, Merlin. Trust you, a supposedly power sorcerer, to muck up with magic."

Arthur was quite proud of himself, really. His heart was beating rapidly at having such an open display of magic occur around him but he wasn't scared or angry. It was too hard to be when it was just _Merlin_ being a bit of an idiot.

"Oi!" Merlin protested. "I'm not done yet!"

"How is this going to improve?" Arthur taunted.

Merlin scowled at him and looked up at the sky and there was another incantation with more flashing gold eyes.

In the sky, the clouds began to swirl, just ever so slightly, and break apart. The sun shone down on Merlin. He closed his eyes, feeling the heat of the beam as it hit his face. Merlin smiled, relaxed and happy, and he looked serene. Arthur's breath caught in his throat and for a moment he wondered how anyone could ever think magic was evil when it created such a smile.

He was quickly distracted from that thought. Arthur gasped as the beam grew larger, the clouds moving apart a little bit more, until both of them were sitting in a circle of light. Merlin opened his eyes and looked at Arthur, smiling wide.

"There you are, you prat," Merlin said rather fondly. "You're safe."

Arthur couldn't stop his smile from spreading across his face. "Guess I am."

Merlin added on, a bit hastily, his cheeks blushing red, "From the rain."

"I know what you meant, Merlin," Arthur said, even though he wondered if he himself had meant something different altogether.

**

When Arthur entered his chambers, he found Merlin sitting cross-legged on his floor. Beside him there was a neat row of every single pair of boots that Arthur owned. Merlin had one in his hand and was scrubbing at it with a brush.

"Merlin," Arthur said. "What are you doing?"

"Working," Merlin answered without looking up. "What I'm supposed to be doing, yeah?"

Arthur sighed and sat down next to on the floor. "I know what this week is, Merlin."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me."

"Fine," Merlin huffed. He scrubbed harder at the same spot. "But I don't want to talk about it."

The upcoming week marked a year since they had fought Alvarr, since Freya had been killed. Arthur had a feeling it would be a hard time for Merlin -- the fact that he was being so active with work told Arthur that. Merlin was trying to deal with it and Arthur wanted to help -- he just wasn't sure how. He was never sure, even a year later, and that bothered him.

"You don't have to do that today, Merlin."

"I want to," Merlin said. He still didn't look at Arthur.

"You can take rest of the day off."

"I don't _want_ it off, Arthur," Merlin said and Arthur thought he sounded angry. Which, really, was uncalled for because Arthur was just _trying_ to be nice.

"Fine," Arthur snapped, unable to stop himself. "There's plenty to do. Sweeping the floor, doing my laundry, mucking out the stables…"

"Great," Merlin mumbled. "I'll get to all that next."

"I was just trying to be nice," Arthur said. "Remind me not to do that."

Merlin's hands stopped their task and he waved the brush around. "I don't want you to be nice!" He glanced over his shoulder, looking at Arthur. "You're the only one who doesn't act different. So _don't_ act different. Not today. Just… don't."

Arthur looked at him, stunned. "All right," he said. "I won't."

"Good," Merlin said. "I wouldn't expect anything less than you being a prat."

"Hang on!" Arthur protested mildly, trying to lighten the mood just a little. "You can't --" He didn't follow through on his usual threat, though. He grabbed Merlin by the neck, pulling him into a headlock, and scrubbed his knuckles over Merlin's hair.

"Oi!" Merlin yelled. He struggled, hands coming up to scramble against Arthur's arm.

"Do you concede?" Arthur asked, hanging on.

"Yes! Yes!" Merlin cried out.

Arthur promptly let him go. "Good," he said, smiling as he watched Merlin run a hand through his ruffled hair.

Merlin muttered, "Even if you _are_ a prat." But he glanced over his shoulder and smiled.

Arthur only shook his head and pushed himself up to his feet. "What about a walk?" he offered. "So you can--" he waved his hand around "--do your thing. That's not different."

Merlin stood up as well. "No, that's not. I'd like that."

"Good," Arthur said. "I want to see what you've been doing out there." Arthur paused for a moment, looking seriously at Merlin. He knew Merlin didn't really want to talk about it but Arthur had to say _something_. "I wish I could do more for you, Merlin. About, well. You know. To make it better."

Merlin looked at him, astonished. "You really, really _are_ thick, aren't you?"

Arthur was offended; he was only trying to be kind. "What a minute--"

Suddenly, he had his manservant's arms thrown tightly his neck. "Merlin!" Arthur protested. He meant to shove Merlin away, he really did, but his hands settled on Merlin's hips. "We don't do this."

Merlin huffed a breath against Arthur's neck and Arthur shivered. "You really don't get it, do you?" Merlin asked, muffled. "You help me every day."

Arthur sighed at that and his hands slipped around Merlin's back, pulling him a bit closer. He could feel Merlin's nose press against his neck. "I -- well. Good."

Arthur could feel Merlin's body slightly tremble and it only made him want to hold him closer. But when Merlin pulled back a little, he allowed it. But he was quite shocked when Merlin's lips found his own, pressing a chaste kiss against Arthur's, but only for a brief moment.

When Merlin pulled away it was only enough so that he could look Arthur in the eye. There was a bit of a smile on his face but he didn't say anything.

" _That_ ," Arthur stressed, though his voice was barely above a whisper, "was certainly different."

Merlin's smile grew wider and his head ducked down. "It was," Merlin said. "We should save it for another day. One that is not… today."

Arthur nodded. "Yes, another day." There was an odd feeling blossoming in the pit of his stomach; odd, but a bit wonderful, really.

Merlin reached into his pocked and he pulled out his two coins. Arthur's heart skipped a beat and he tried to step away but the one hand of Merlin's that was still on his neck held him in place.

"Merlin--"

Merlin cut him off as he whispered an incantation. Arthur couldn't help but watch his eyes flash gold, even though he should be scolding Merlin for doing it in the castle. When he glanced down, Arthur was rather shocked. The coin, once in two halves, was mended.

Merlin took Arthur's hand in his, placed the coin in his palm, and closed Arthur's fingers around it.

Arthur tried again. "Merlin--"

"Let's walk," Merlin said.

Arthur only nodded, lost for words as it was. His hand tightened around the coin more and he knew he'd never think of letting it go.

 

~ end


End file.
